After Dinner Speeches
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Ignorance of the law does not prevent the losing lawyer from collecting
George Ade had finished his speech at a recent dinner-party, and on
seating himself a well-known lawyer rose, shoved his hands deep into his
trousers' pockets, as was his habit and laughingly inquired of those
"Doesn't it strike the company as a little unusual that a professional
humorist should be funny?"
When the laugh had subsided, Ade drawled out:
"Doesn't it strike the company as a little unusual that a lawyer should
have his hands in his own pockets?"
A man was charged with stealing a horse, and after a long trial the jury
acquitted him. Later in the day the man came back and asked the judge
for a warrant against the lawyer who had successfully defended him.
"What's the charge?" inquired the judge.
"Why, Your Honor," replied the man, "you see, I didn't have the money to
pay him his fee, so he took the horse I stole."--_J.J. O'Connell_.
An elderly darky in Georgia, charged with the theft of some chickens,
had the misfortune to be defended by a young and inexperienced attorney,
although it is doubtful whether anyone could have secured his acquittal,
the commission of the crime having been proved beyond all doubt.
The darky received a pretty severe sentence. "Thank you, sah," said he
cheerfully, addressing the judge when the sentence had been pronounced.
"Dat's mighty hard, sah, but it ain't anywhere what I 'spected. I
thought, sah, dat between my character and dat speech of my lawyer dat
you'd hang me, shore!"
"You have a pretty tough looking lot of customers to dispose of this
morning, haven't you?" remarked the friend of a magistrate, who had
dropped in at the police court.
"Huh!" rejoined the dispenser of justice, "you are looking at the wrong
bunch. Those are the lawyers."
"Did youse git anyt'ing?" whispered the burglar on guard as his pal
emerged from the window.
"Naw, de bloke wot lives here is a lawyer," replied the other in
"Dat's hard luck," said the first; "did youse lose anyt'ing?"
The dean of the Law Department was very busy and rather cross. The
"Well, what is it?" he snapped.
"Is that the city gas-works?" said a woman's soft voice.
"No, madam," roared the dean; "this is the University Law Department."
"Ah," she answered in the sweetest of tones, "I didn't miss it so far,
after all, did I?"--_Carl Holliday_.
A lawyer cross-examining a witness, asked him where he was on a
particular day; to which he replied that he had been in the company of
two friends. "Friends.'" exclaimed his tormentor; "two thieves, I
suppose." "They may be so," replied the witness, dryly, "for they are
An impecunious young lawyer recently received the following letter from
a tailor to whom he was indebted:
"Dear Sir: Kindly advise me by return mail when I may expect a
remittance from you in settlement of my account.
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