An English motorist is quoted as saying that he classed pedestrians as the quick and the dead: those who got out of the way and those who didn't
An English motorist is quoted as saying that he classed
pedestrians as the quick and the dead: those who got out of the
way and those who didn't.
More
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According to a florist's magazine Jacks are becoming cheap
According to a florist's magazine "Jacks are becoming cheap." This may be true, but we have known men who would have been willing to pay $10 for one to put with the two already in their hands. ... ACTOR FRIEND (inquiring at boarding house)--Has Mr
ACTOR FRIEND (inquiring at boarding house)--Has Mr. Comedy taken his departure yet? "Yes," snapped the landlady, "but that's all he did take; I've got his wardrobe." ... Adversity is not without comfort--your enemy may be in harder luck than you
Adversity is not without comfort--your enemy may be in harder luck than you. ... After a man has had occasion to employ a first-class lawyer it is useless to tell him that talk is cheap
After a man has had occasion to employ a first-class lawyer it is useless to tell him that talk is cheap. ... After all you know said Mr
"After all, you know," said Mr. Oldbeau, "a man is only as old as he feels"---- "Yes," said Miss Pepprey, "but some old men make the mistake of thinking they are as young as they think they feel." ... After wedding a rich heiress Price Said Gambling's a terrible vice But one thing I know This matching for dough Is a thing that's exceedingly nice
After wedding a rich heiress, Price Said, "Gambling's a terrible vice, But one thing I know, This matching for dough Is a thing that's exceedingly nice." ... Ah
"Ah! I'm saddest when I sing," She sang in plaintive key; And all the neighbors yelled, "So are we! so are we." ... Alas for all their ecstasy They knew not what was best: The young man reached the front door The old man did the rest
Alas, for all their ecstasy, They knew not what was best: The young man reached the front door, The old man did the rest. ... ALGY--Charming widow isn't she
ALGY--"Charming widow, isn't she? They say she is to marry again." CHOLLY--"I wouldn't want to be a widow's second husband." ALGY--"Well, I'd rather be a widow's second husband than her first, doncher-know." ... AMERICAN--You have noticed I suppose that the balance of trade so far as your country and ours are concerned is still in our favor
AMERICAN--"You have noticed, I suppose, that the balance of trade, so far as your country and ours are concerned, is still in our favor?" ENGLISHMAN--"Nothing of the sort, sir. We exchange a worn-out title for a beautiful American heiress almos... An art-school student recently painted the picture of a dog under a tree so lifelike that it was impossible to distinguish the bark of the tree from that of the dog
An art-school student recently painted the picture of a dog under a tree so lifelike that it was impossible to distinguish the bark of the tree from that of the dog. ... An emblem of tenuity We witness every day; Behold the corset-and you'll see The whale-bone comes to STAY
An emblem of tenuity We witness every day; Behold the corset-and you'll see The whale-bone comes to STAY. ... An English motorist is quoted as saying that he classed pedestrians as the quick and the dead: those who got out of the way and those who didn't
An English motorist is quoted as saying that he classed pedestrians as the quick and the dead: those who got out of the way and those who didn't. ... An excellent reason
An excellent reason.--Casey--"Oi'll wurk no more fer thot mon Dolan." Mrs. Casey--"An' phwy?" Casey--"Shure, t'is an account av a remark thot he made t' me." Mrs. Casey--"Phwat did he say?" Casey--"Sez he, 'Pat, ye're discharged.'" ... An Irish doctor advertises that the deaf may hear of him at a house in Liffey street where his blind patients may see him from ten till three
An Irish doctor advertises that the deaf may hear of him at a house in Liffey street, where his blind patients may see him from ten till three. ... An Irishman comes to this country remains here ten years and goes back to Ireland and dies
"An Irishman comes to this country, remains here ten years, and goes back to Ireland and dies. What is he?" "Why, an Irishman, of course." "No, you're wrong; he is a corpse." ... An Irishman in order to celebrate the advent of a new era went out on a lark
An Irishman in order to celebrate the advent of a new era, went out on a lark. He didn't get home, till 3 o'clock in the morning, and was barely in the house before a nurse rushed up and, uncovering a bunch of soft goods, showed him triplets. The ... An Irishman just landed seeing an electric-motor car running for the first time exclaimed: Well well Ould Nick must be pullin' it wid a string
An Irishman, just landed, seeing an electric-motor car running for the first time, exclaimed: "Well, well, Ould Nick must be pullin' it wid a string." ... An Irishman quarreling with an Englishman told him if he didn't hold his tongue he would break his impenetrable head and let his brains out of his empty skull
An Irishman quarreling with an Englishman, told him if he didn't hold his tongue he would break his impenetrable head, and let his brains out of his empty skull. ... An Irishman wandering up Fifth avenue saw in the window of a photographer's shop a large photograph of Mephisto
An Irishman wandering up Fifth avenue saw in the window of a photographer's shop a large photograph of Mephisto. He went inside, and after gazing about the walls, said to the proprietor: "I want to have a pichtur taken av meself an' me bruther. ... An Irishman was planting shade trees when a passing lady said: You're digging out the holes are you Mr
An Irishman was planting shade trees when a passing lady said: "You're digging out the holes, are you, Mr. Haggerty?" "No, mum. Oi'm diggin' out the dirt an' lavin' the holes." ... An old lady, being told that a certain lawyer was lying
An old lady, being told that a certain lawyer "was lying at the point of death," exclaimed: "My Gracious! Won't even death stop that man's lying?" ... An old-maid being at a loss for a pin-cushion made use of an onion for the purpose
An old-maid being at a loss for a pin-cushion, made use of an onion for the purpose. On the following morning she found all the needles had tears in their eyes. ... And did you never kiss a girl under the mistletoe
"And did you never kiss a girl under the mistletoe?" "Well, no; its pleasanter to kiss her under the nose." ...