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Whether Tall Men Or Short Men Are Best Or Bold Men Or Modest And Shy Men I Can't Say But This I Protest All The Fair Are In Favor Of Hy-men
Charlemagne Was In Need Of Amusement
Couples Making Love Will Beware Of The Rubber Plant
Ma What Is A Panama Man Called
Adversity Is Not Without Comfort--your Enemy May Be In Harder Luck Than You
Ah
Electricity Is A Great Educator
Yes There Is One Part Of The Dough-nut That Wouldn't Give You Dyspepsia
Mrs
How Are You To-day


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What's The Matter Here
Mrs
How By The Statesman Insincere Man's Weary Soul Is Vexed
When We First Dined At A Cafe We Feared They'd Drop Their Trays But Later We Learned Somewhat To Our Dismay It Takes--as Scores Of Men Will Say-- A Big Tip To Upset A Waiter
To-morrow Never Comes They Say; But All Such Talk Is Idle Gush For When We Have A Debt To Pay To-morrow Gets There With A Rush
Rowley Powley Pudding And Pie Kissed The Girls And Made Them Cry
He Went On A Lark So His Wife Did Remark And Some Angry Words Too Did She Mutter
He Was A Genial Smiling Man And Fond Of Whisky Plain But When He Joined The Temperance Club He Never Smiled Again
My Dentist Has An Eagle Eye And Vicious Tools He Hacks With He's Clever But I've Come To Think He'd Make A Better Blacksmith
Of All The Saws That I Ever Saw Saw I Never Saw A Saw Saw Like This Saw Saws




MRS

Puns Home









MRS. PENDERGAST (in disgust)--You call these shades alike! Is

there anything you can match?



MR. PENDERGAST--Yes. Pennies.











Next: Pressed for work--cider

Previous: I am told said she saucily that though you are a military man you are afraid of powder



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Puns

Massachusetts Is Noted For Boots And Shoes
When Lot Found His Wife Transformed Into A Pillar Of Salt He Was Wise Enough To Let It Go At That And Not Take A Fresh One
Teacher Of Drawing Class--willie Tell Me How You Would Make A Maltese Cross
The Old Lady Who Sent As Presents To A Newly-married Couple A Rolling-pin A Pain Of Flat-irons And A Motto Inscribed Fight On Must Have A Grudge Against Them
Two Hebrews Went To A Mills Hotel And Were Obliged To Take A Bath Before Retiring
She--why Do They Call It An Arm Of The Sea
A Recent School Examination In England Elicited The Following Definitions: Noah's Wife Wrote One Boy Was Called Joan Of Arc
He--how Does It Happen That None Of You Women Have Come Forward With A New Currency Plan
There Is As Much Strength In An Egg As In A Pound Of Meat
Are Any Of The Colors Discernible To The Touch
Yes There Is One Part Of The Dough-nut That Wouldn't Give You Dyspepsia
We Don't Always Know Just How The Other Half Lives; But In Chicago The Better Half Lives On Her Alimony
You Know Fatty Schultz The Butcher
--i Want To Be An Angel
Thin Boarder--i Don't See How You Manage To Fare So Well At This Boarding-house
Why Do You Call Your Dog Hardware
I Wouldn't Stand For That If I Were You
Moses Schaumburg (to His Son Jackey)--how Many Are Twice Two Jackey
An Irishman Just Landed Seeing An Electric-motor Car Running For The First Time Exclaimed: Well Well Ould Nick Must Be Pullin' It Wid A String
Two Irish Farmers Who Had Not Seen Each Other For A Long Time Met At A Fair
American--you Have Noticed I Suppose That The Balance Of Trade So Far As Your Country And Ours Are Concerned Is Still In Our Favor
Did You Ever Hear About The Two Holes In Our Back-yard
There Was A Young Woman Named Hannah Who Put On A Great Many Airs She Stepped On A Peel Of Banana And Now She's Laid Up For Repairs
I Saw De Castro The Magician Make A $20 Gold Piece Disappear In Three Minutes
An Irish Doctor Advertises That The Deaf May Hear Of Him At A House In Liffey Street Where His Blind Patients May See Him From Ten Till Three