TEACHER--Thomas can you tell me which battle Nelson was killed in
TEACHER--Thomas, can you tell me which battle Nelson was killed
in?
TOMMY (after a moment's reflection)--I think it was his last.
More
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Some of us have more ups and downs in this world than others but
when we get to the cemetery we will all be on the dead level
Some of us have more ups and downs in this world than others, but when we get to the cemetery, we will all be on the dead level. ... Some one threw a head of cabbage at an Irish orator while he was making a speech once
Some one threw a head of cabbage at an Irish orator while he was making a speech once. He paused a second, and said: "Gentlemen, I only asked for your ears, I don't care for your heads!" He was not bothered any more during the remainder of his spe... Some people who jump at conclusions lose sight of the hurdles
Some people who jump at conclusions lose sight of the hurdles. ... Speaking of accommodating hotel clerks remarked a Portland commercial traveller the best I ever saw was in a town near Bangor
"Speaking of accommodating hotel clerks," remarked a Portland commercial traveller, "the best I ever saw was in a town near Bangor. Just before I retired I heard a scampering under the bed and looked under, expecting to see a burglar. Instead I sa... SPECIAL RULES FOR GUESTS
SPECIAL RULES FOR GUESTS. 1--Guests are requested not to speak to the dumb waiter. 2--Guests wishing to get up without being called can have self-raising flour for supper. 3--The hotel is supported by a beautiful cemetery; hearse... STRANGER--Boy can you direct me to the bank
STRANGER--"Boy, can you direct me to the bank?" BOY--"I kin for a quarter." STRANGER--"A quarter! Isn't that high pay?" BOY--"Yes, sir; but it's bank directors what gits high pay, you see, sir!" ... STUDENT--Professor which is the logical way of reaching a conclusion
STUDENT--Professor, which is the logical way of reaching a conclusion? PROFESSOR--Take a train of thought, my boy. ... SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER--What is meant in the parable by a house built upon a rock
SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER--What is meant in the parable by a "house built upon a rock?" SUNDAY SCHOOL SCHOLAR--A Harlem flat. ... SWATTER--I see you are mentioned in one of the books just published
SWATTER--I see you are mentioned in one of the books just published. PRIMLY--Indeed! What book? SWATTER--The directory. ... Take away my first letter take away my second letter take away all my letters and I am still the same
Take away my first letter, take away my second letter, take away all my letters and I am still the same. What am I? The postman. ... TEACHER OF DRAWING CLASS--Willie tell me how you would make a maltese cross
TEACHER OF DRAWING CLASS--"Willie, tell me how you would make a maltese cross." WILLIE--"Step on his tail, mum." ... TEACHER--Johnny can you tell me what a section boss is
TEACHER--Johnny, can you tell me what a section boss is? JOHNNY--The conductor of a sleeping-car. ... TEACHER--Thomas can you tell me which battle Nelson was killed in
TEACHER--Thomas, can you tell me which battle Nelson was killed in? TOMMY (after a moment's reflection)--I think it was his last. ... TEACHER--When does suicide become a crime
TEACHER--When does suicide become a crime? SMART BOY--When it becomes a confirmed habit. "Nonsense, sir. Why is suicide a crime?" "Because it injures the health." ... TEACHER--Yes dear; ova refers to an egg
TEACHER--Yes, dear; ova refers to an egg. WILLY--Then when they throw bad eggs at an actor he gets a literal ovation, I s'pose. ... Telephone operators are always bound to have the last word; that's why females are always employed in that capacity
Telephone operators are always bound to have the last word; that's why females are always employed in that capacity. ... That cook would make a good baseball player
"That cook would make a good baseball player." "Why so?" "A fly got into the batter when she was serving the griddles, and the way she caught that fly from the batter was a sight to rush an umpire into an early grave." ... That man has had five wives
"That man has had five wives." "Tandem or simultaneously?" "I don't understand." "Is he a Mormon or a Chicago man?" ... That said the loaf pointing to the oven is where I was bred
"That," said the loaf, pointing to the oven, "is where I was bred." ... That sounds like the charity bawl said the nurse as the babies in the orphan asylum began to yell
"That sounds like the charity bawl," said the nurse, as the babies in the orphan asylum began to yell. ... That tenor of yours has a marvelous voice
"That tenor of yours has a marvelous voice. He can hold one of his notes for half a minute." "Shucks! I've held one of his notes for two years." ... That was a pretty good dog story wasn't it
"That was a pretty good dog story, wasn't it?" asked Dinwiddie, as he finished telling one. "Yes," replied Gaswell; "but it was too long. It ought to have been curtailed." ... That young gentleman has a very taking manner said one young lady to another at a party of a young man who had just left them
"That young gentleman has a very taking manner," said one young lady to another at a party, of a young man who had just left them. "Yes," was the reply, "that's his business." "His business? What is he?" "A photographer." ... THE BARBER--Did I ever shave you before
THE BARBER--Did I ever shave you before? THE VICTIM--Yes, once. THE BARBER--I don't remember your face. THE VICTIM--No; I suppose not. It's all healed up now. ...