After Dinner Speeches
Employers And Employees
Joke Topics Home
Friendly may we part and quickly meet again.
In every sip
Of friendship's brew.
May we all travel through the world and sow it thick with friendship.
Here's to the four hinges of Friendship--
Swearing, Lying, Stealing and Drinking.
When you swear, swear by your country;
When you lie, lie for a pretty woman,
When you steal, steal away from bad company
And when you drink, drink with me.
The trouble with having friends is the upkeep.
"Brown volunteered to lend me money."
"Did you take it?"
"No. That sort of friendship is too good to lose."
"I let my house furnished, and they've had measles there. Of course
we've had the place disinfected; so I suppose it's quite safe. What do
"I fancy it would be all right, dear; but I think, perhaps, it would be
safer to lend it to a friend first."--_Punch_.
"Hoo is it, Jeemes, that you mak' sic an enairmous profit aff yer
potatoes? Yer price is lower than ony ither in the toon and ye mak'
extra reductions for yer freends."
"Weel, ye see, I knock aff twa shillin's a ton beacuse a customer is a
freend o' mine, an' then I jist tak' twa hundert-weight aff the ton
because I'm a freend o' his."--_Punch_.
The conductor of a western freight train saw a tramp stealing a ride on
one of the forward cars. He told the brakeman in the caboose to go up
and put the man off at the next stop. When the brakeman approached the
tramp, the latter waved a big revolver and told him to keep away.
"Did you get rid of him?" the conductor asked the brakeman, when the
train was under motion again.
"I hadn't the heart," was the reply. "He turned out to be an old school
friend of mine."
"I'll take care of him," said the conductor, as he started over the tops
of the cars.
After the train had made another stop and gone on, the brakeman came
into the caboose and said to the conductor:
"Well, is he off?"
"No; he turned out to be an old school friend of mine, too."
If a man does not make new acquaintances, as he advances through life,
he will soon find himself left alone. A man, Sir, should keep his
friendship in constant repair.--_Samuel Johnson_.
They say, and I am glad they say,
It is so; and it may be so;
It may be just the other way,
I cannot tell, but this I know--
From quiet homes and first beginnings
Out to the undiscovered ends
There's nothing worth the wear of winning
Save laughter and the love of friends.
Previous: FRIENDS, SOCIETY OF
Random Joke Topics
Presence Of Mind