Charley dear said young Mrs
"Charley, dear," said young Mrs. Torkins, "I hope you are not going into politics." "What made you think of that?" "I heard you talking in your sleep about 'standing pat.'" ... CHOLLY--Ethel Knox told me last night I wasn't over half-witted
CHOLLY--Ethel Knox told me last night I wasn't over half-witted. SUSIE--I shouldn't feel badly about that; she never did know anything about fractions. ... City Niece--The windows in our new church are stained
City Niece--"The windows in our new church are stained." Country Aunt--"Ain't that a pity. Can't they get nothing to take it off?" ... CITYMAN--Do they keep a servant girl
CITYMAN--Do they keep a servant girl? SUBBUBS--O! certainly not. But as soon as one leaves they engage another.--Philadelphia Press. ... CLARA--He gave me an army-and-navy kiss
CLARA--"He gave me an army-and-navy kiss." MAUD--"What kind is that?" CLARA--"Oh, rapid fire--sixty a minute!" ... CLEVERTON--Miss Cutler tells me she has been putting quinine on her face lately for her complexion
CLEVERTON--Miss Cutler tells me she has been putting quinine on her face lately for her complexion. DASHAWAY--I guess I'll go around there. I have a touch of malaria. ... Cohen left the ball-game
Cohen left the ball-game because he said the umpire looked right at him when he called "three balls!" ... Coleridge who was a bad rider was accosted when on horseback by a wag who asked him if he knew what happened to Balaam The same thing that happened to me--An ass spoke to him
Coleridge, who was a bad rider, was accosted when on horseback by a wag, who asked him if he knew what happened to Balaam, "The same thing that happened to me--An ass spoke to him." ... Comstock shuddered the other evening when a lady asked him if he cared for undressed kids
Comstock shuddered the other evening when a lady asked him if he cared for undressed kids. ... CONDON--Have you been cured of that last attack of malaria
CONDON--Have you been cured of that last attack of malaria? DENBY--Oh, yes, Doctress Anna Curem knocked it silly. But her treatment left me with a worse disease than malaria ever was. "You don't say so!" "Yes, sir; I've got an incurable cas... Corbett and Fitzsimmons will never fight again
"Corbett and Fitzsimmons will never fight again." "Why?" "Because they can not get gloves to Fitzsimmons." ... Couples making love will beware of the rubber plant
"Couples making love will beware of the rubber plant." "While driving through the park don't speak to your horses. They carry tales." "All animals are not in cages. There are some dandelions on the lawn." ... COURTNEY--When you proposed to Miss Dexter did you get down on your knees
COURTNEY--When you proposed to Miss Dexter did you get down on your knees? BARCLAY--No, I couldn't; she was sitting on them. ... Curious isn't it
"Curious, isn't it?" "What?" "A man's handwriting is never so bad that his name can't be read when signed to a check." ... Customer (to the coal dealer): Have you got any name for those scales of yours
Customer (to the coal dealer): "Have you got any name for those scales of yours?" "I never heard of scales having a name." "Well, you ought to call your scales Ambush. You see, they are always lying in weight." ...

Whether tall men or short men are best Or bold men or modest and shy men I can't say but this I protest All the fair are in favor of Hy-men Charlemagne was in need of amusement Couples making love will beware of the rubber plant Ma what is a Panama man called Ah Adversity is not without comfort--your enemy may be in harder luck than you Yes there is one part of the dough-nut that wouldn't give you dyspepsia MRS

What's the matter here MRS How by the statesman insincere Man's weary soul is vexed When we first dined at a cafe We feared they'd drop their trays but later We learned somewhat to our dismay It takes--as scores of men will say-- A big tip to upset a waiter Rowley Powley pudding and pie Kissed the girls and made them cry To-morrow never comes they say; But all such talk is idle gush For when we have a debt to pay To-morrow gets there with a rush 'Tis now the wily urchin mocks The lynx-eyed cop along the docks And plunges in the cooling tide Arrayed in naught else but his hide An emblem of tenuity We witness every day; Behold the corset-and you'll see The whale-bone comes to STAY