In choosing a wife said the scanty-haired philosopher one should never judge by appearances
"In choosing a wife," said the scanty-haired philosopher, "one
should never judge by appearances."
"That's right," rejoined the very young man. "The homeliest girls
usually have the most money."
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I've been pondering over a very singular thing
"I've been pondering over a very singular thing." "What is it?" "How putting a ring on a woman's third finger should place you under that woman's thumb." ... IDA--Yes dear this is one of those 'perfume' concerts the same as they have in New York
IDA--"Yes, dear, this is one of those 'perfume' concerts the same as they have in New York." MAY--"Perfume? Why I smell gasoline." IDA--"Well, you see, they are playing the 'Automobile March' now." ... If a guest at a restaurant ordered a lobster and ate it and another guest did the same what would the latter's telephone number be
"If a guest at a restaurant ordered a lobster and ate it, and another guest did the same, what would the latter's telephone number be?" It would be "8-1-2." ... If a woman would change her sex what would her religion be
If a woman would change her sex, what would her religion be? She would be a he-then, of course. ... If Broomstick as rumored is in a woman's hands he may be booked to beat the favorite
If Broomstick, as rumored, is in a woman's hands, he may be booked to beat the favorite. Torchlight and Igniter, coupled should prove a red hot combination, but with Extinguisher in the race might not bring in any money to burn. Animosity ev... If I might hold that hand again
If I might hold that hand again Clasped lovingly in mine, I'd little care what others sought-- That hand I held, lang syne! That hand! Oh, warm it was and soft! Soft? Ne'er was so soft a thing! ... If Pearl Street is crooked
If Pearl Street is crooked; Is Union Square? ... If said the druggist you will give this new tonic a trial I'm sure you will never use any other
"If," said the druggist, "you will give this new tonic a trial I'm sure you will never use any other." "Excuse me," rejoined the customer, "but I prefer something less fatal." ... If the devil lost its tail where would he go to get another one
If the devil lost its tail, where would he go to get another one? To a liquor store where they retail spirits. ... If tough spells tough
If t-o-u-g-h spells tough, And d-o-u-g-h spells dough, Does s-n-o-u-g-h spell snuff? Or, simply snow? ... If you should die what would you do with your body
"If you should die, what would you do with your body?" "I don't know." "I'd sell mine to a medical student." "Then you'd be giving yourself dead away." ... If you want to see a strong organization look at the whisky dealers; if you want to see a weak one look at the consumers
If you want to see a strong organization, look at the whisky dealers; if you want to see a weak one, look at the consumers. ... IKEY--Fader is imbegunious undt inzolvent der same
IKEY--Fader, is "imbegunious" undt "inzolvent" der same? FADER--Nodt at all! "Imbegunious" is ven a man has got no more money, undt "inzolvent" is ven his greditors has got about all der money dey are goin' to get. ... In choosing a wife said the scanty-haired philosopher one should never judge by appearances
"In choosing a wife," said the scanty-haired philosopher, "one should never judge by appearances." "That's right," rejoined the very young man. "The homeliest girls usually have the most money." ... In my business said the stock broker It is impossible to succeed without pluck
"In my business," said the stock broker, "It is impossible to succeed without pluck." "Huh!" snorted the man who had been up against it, "you mean 'plucking,' don't you?" ... In one way the clock makers are independent of labor troubles
"In one way the clock makers are independent of labor troubles." "That's very fortunate, isn't it," said his wife innocently, "but how?" "Simply because in clock works the hands never strike." ... In this glorious land of the free you always have to pay for the drinks in order to get a whack at the free lunch
In this glorious land of the free, you always have to pay for the drinks in order to get a whack at the free lunch. ... Irish foreman to gang of men in a sewer: How many men is down in that hole
Irish foreman, to gang of men in a sewer: "How many men is down in that hole?" Voice from the sewer: "Three, sorr." Irish foreman: "Then lave half of yez cum up." ... Irish stew said the restaurant guest
"Irish stew," said the restaurant guest. "Faith, I am Irish, tew," said the waiter. ... Is a howling dog a sign of death
"Is a howling dog a sign of death?" Said Doolittle to Dunn. "Of course it is, if the dog will wait Until I get my gun." ... Is it raining girls
"Is it raining, girls?" "No," broke in Cumso; "only cats and dogs." ... Is the proprietor in
"Is the proprietor in?" asked the visitor to the planing mill. "I want to order some doors." "He's in," replied the smart office boy, "but I think he's out o' doors." ... Is this a fire insurance office
"Is this a fire insurance office?" "Yes, sir; can we write you some insurance?" "Perhaps you can. You see, my employer threatens to fire me next Saturday, and I'd like some protection." ... Is your friend the dentist a society chap
"Is your friend the dentist a society chap?" "Well, in one way. He attends lots of swell gatherings." ... ISAACS--Undt suppose dey did send us a message from Mars how could dey tell if we got it
ISAACS--Undt suppose dey did send us a message from Mars, how could dey tell if we got it? COHEN--Vell, dey mighd send it gollect undt see if ve paid for it. ... It doesn't do any good to scold the janitor about our cold rooms
"It doesn't do any good to scold the janitor about our cold rooms." "Yes, it does. I get all warmed up when I talk to him." ...