THE WIFE (savagely)--Don't let me catch you flirting
THE WIFE (savagely)--Don't let me catch you flirting.
THE HUSBAND (meekly)--No, dear, never again. That's the way you
did catch me, you know!
More
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The portrait tumbled from the wall
And hit the young man's head
The portrait tumbled from the wall And hit the young man's head. "A striking likeness!" That was all The rueful punster said. ... The pugilist boxes his man before he lays him out
The pugilist boxes his man before he lays him out. The undertaker lays out his man before he boxes him. ... The rapidity of ocean transport is becoming truly marvelous
The rapidity of ocean transport is becoming truly marvelous. A sea captain boasts that he finished loading a cargo of wheat at San Francisco by dinner time, and then went to China for tea. ... The rubber plant was rubb'ring round In a manner most absurd: The long green corn prickled up her ears And this is what she heard: Wot's tomato wid you you beat
The rubber plant was rubb'ring round In a manner most absurd: The long green corn prickled up her ears And this is what she heard: "Wot's tomato wid you, you beat?" Asked the onion of the hash, "I'm jealous... The slats of the shutter of our office-window are in a dilapidated condition
The slats of the shutter of our office-window are in a dilapidated condition. "Please help the blind." ... The speaker of the house is in deadly peril when every member on the floor wants to get his eye
The speaker of the house is in deadly peril when every member on the floor wants to get his eye. ... THE SPINSTER--How many lodges did you say your husband belonged to
THE SPINSTER--How many lodges did you say your husband belonged to? THE WIFE--Fifteen. THE SPINSTER--My goodness! just think of a man being out fifteen nights a week! Well, I'm glad that I'm an old maid. ... The stork is a bird with a great big bill; He brings us the babies whenever he will; Then comes the doctor and when he is through You find that he has a big bill too
The stork is a bird with a great big bill; He brings us the babies whenever he will; Then comes the doctor, and when he is through, You find that he has a big bill, too. ... The street car lurched
The street car lurched, she fell ker-flump! But got up with a happy smile, And to the young man said: "Please, sir, How many laps are to the mile?" ... The sunshine warm and budding trees Made Johnny feel quite gay
The sunshine warm and budding trees, Made Johnny feel quite gay. He went to swim--the obsequies Are being held to-day. ... The tramp should never complain of hunger when he can always enjoy a little loaf
The tramp should never complain of hunger when he can always enjoy a little loaf. ... The weary desert stretched for miles
The weary desert stretched for miles. Stretched for sheer weariness. Not a drop of water was in sight. Then it was that the traveler had an inspiration. He wrung his hands. ... THE WIFE (savagely)--Don't let me catch you flirting
THE WIFE (savagely)--Don't let me catch you flirting. THE HUSBAND (meekly)--No, dear, never again. That's the way you did catch me, you know! ... The word 'reviver' spells the same backwards and forwards
"The word 'reviver' spells the same backwards and forwards." It was the frivolous man who spoke. "Can you think of another?" The serious man scowled up from his newspaper. "Tut-tut!" he cried contemptuously. And they rode on in silence... There appears to be no affinity between the prestidigitator and the theatrical manager yet they both make passes
There appears to be no affinity between the prestidigitator and the theatrical manager, yet they both make passes. ... There are many sweet entrancing moments in this life but when a man steps on your pet corn you do not experience one of them
There are many sweet, entrancing moments in this life, but when a man steps on your pet corn you do not experience one of them. ... There goes a man who leads in letters
"There goes a man who leads in letters." "Ah, indeed! What's his name?" "A.A. Adams." ... There is a man who never knew such a thing as fear
"There is a man who never knew such a thing as fear." "Ah, had a military training, I suppose." "No; his nerve is inherited. His father and his grandfather were both janitors." ... There is a Presbyterian in Jersey City so openly opposed to baptism by immersion that he refuses to carry a Waterbury watch
There is a Presbyterian in Jersey City so openly opposed to baptism by immersion that he refuses to carry a Waterbury watch. ... There is as much strength in an egg as in a pound of meat
There is as much strength in an egg as in a pound of meat. Gotabug--I should say so. I've smelt eggs that had more strength than a hundred pounds of beef. ... There is but one thing said the professor of medicine gravely that we know about death
"There is but one thing," said the professor of medicine, gravely, "that we know about death." "And that is, sir?" queried the student. "It is always fatal." ... There was a terrible murder in the hotel to-day
"There was a terrible murder in the hotel to-day." "Was there." "Yes; a paper-hanger hung a border." "It must have been a put-up job!" ... There was a young woman named Hannah Who put on a great many airs She stepped on a peel of banana And now she's laid up for repairs
There was a young woman named Hannah, Who put on a great many airs, She stepped on a peel of banana, And now she's laid up for repairs. ... There's a great art says Mickey Dolan in knowing what not to know whin yez don't want to know it
"There's a great art," says Mickey Dolan, "in knowing what not to know whin yez don't want to know it." ...