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Whether Tall Men Or Short Men Are Best Or Bold Men Or Modest And Shy Men I Can't Say But This I Protest All The Fair Are In Favor Of Hy-men
Charlemagne Was In Need Of Amusement
Couples Making Love Will Beware Of The Rubber Plant
Ma What Is A Panama Man Called
Adversity Is Not Without Comfort--your Enemy May Be In Harder Luck Than You
Ah
Electricity Is A Great Educator
Yes There Is One Part Of The Dough-nut That Wouldn't Give You Dyspepsia
Mrs
How Are You To-day


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What's The Matter Here
Mrs
How By The Statesman Insincere Man's Weary Soul Is Vexed
When We First Dined At A Cafe We Feared They'd Drop Their Trays But Later We Learned Somewhat To Our Dismay It Takes--as Scores Of Men Will Say-- A Big Tip To Upset A Waiter
To-morrow Never Comes They Say; But All Such Talk Is Idle Gush For When We Have A Debt To Pay To-morrow Gets There With A Rush
Rowley Powley Pudding And Pie Kissed The Girls And Made Them Cry
He Went On A Lark So His Wife Did Remark And Some Angry Words Too Did She Mutter
He Was A Genial Smiling Man And Fond Of Whisky Plain But When He Joined The Temperance Club He Never Smiled Again
My Dentist Has An Eagle Eye And Vicious Tools He Hacks With He's Clever But I've Come To Think He'd Make A Better Blacksmith
Of All The Saws That I Ever Saw Saw I Never Saw A Saw Saw Like This Saw Saws




I wouldn't stand for that if I were you

Puns Home









"I wouldn't stand for that if I were you. Why don't you call him

a liar?"



"That's just what I'll do. Where, where is your telephone?"











Next: This murmured the demure maiden when her lover nudged up still closer on the sofa is the closest call I've ever had

Previous: I wish the hot weather would come along sighed the thermometer



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Puns

For Mercy Sake Don't Put Me Near Old Billions
We Don't Always Know Just How The Other Half Lives; But In Chicago The Better Half Lives On Her Alimony
The Impecunious Young Man Who Marries A Girl With A Substantial Check Attached May Very Properly Be Said To Have Been Checkmated
I Don't Give A Rap Said The Coachman Haughtily As He Rang The Electric Bell
What I Like About The Irish Is That They Are So Modest And Unassuming
What A Distinguished Looking Man
They Say Corporations Have No Soul
Did You Ever Hear About The Two Holes In Our Back-yard
--no Matter How High An Awning May Be Suspended It Is Only A Shade Above The Street
A Lady Noticed A Boy Sprinkling Salt On The Sidewalk To Take Off The Ice And Remarked To A Friend Pointing To The Salt: Now That's True Benevolence
Clara--he Gave Me An Army-and-navy Kiss
Firemen As Well As Other People Like To Talk Of Their Flames
Why Is Miss B---- Wearing Black
A Man At The Hotel Wanted To Bet That Corbett Would Knock Out Jeffries
One Day In The Dining-car The Boy Across The Aisle Got To Laughing So He Couldn't Stop
Askit-what Is A Convenient Fall Trip For Me To Take
Did You Go Into Any Of The New York Restaurants
A Mechanic His Labor Will Often Discard
A Sporty Young Fellow Named Phipps Last Night Went To View The Eclipse
Here Is A Chestnut Your Ire Arouses So Often It's Brought To Your Minds People Who Live In Glass Houses Should Always Pull Down The Blinds
Smith--they Say That After A Time The Engineer Of A Limited Flyer Loses His Nerve
The First Impulse Of The Young Married Man On Being Presented With His First Baby Is To Give It A-weigh
What Is The Meaning Of The Saying That A Man Shall Earn His Bread In The Sweat Of His Brow
The Following Is A Resolution Of An Irish Corporation: That A New Jail Should Be Built That This Be Done Out Of The Material Of The Old One And The Old Jail To Be Used Until The New One Be Completed
He Always Kneeled Before The Maid And Kissed Her Finger Tips; But He Lost Out