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Whether Tall Men Or Short Men Are Best Or Bold Men Or Modest And Shy Men I Can't Say But This I Protest All The Fair Are In Favor Of Hy-men
Charlemagne Was In Need Of Amusement
Couples Making Love Will Beware Of The Rubber Plant
Ma What Is A Panama Man Called
Adversity Is Not Without Comfort--your Enemy May Be In Harder Luck Than You
Ah
Electricity Is A Great Educator
Yes There Is One Part Of The Dough-nut That Wouldn't Give You Dyspepsia
Mrs
How Are You To-day


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What's The Matter Here
Mrs
How By The Statesman Insincere Man's Weary Soul Is Vexed
When We First Dined At A Cafe We Feared They'd Drop Their Trays But Later We Learned Somewhat To Our Dismay It Takes--as Scores Of Men Will Say-- A Big Tip To Upset A Waiter
To-morrow Never Comes They Say; But All Such Talk Is Idle Gush For When We Have A Debt To Pay To-morrow Gets There With A Rush
Rowley Powley Pudding And Pie Kissed The Girls And Made Them Cry
He Went On A Lark So His Wife Did Remark And Some Angry Words Too Did She Mutter
He Was A Genial Smiling Man And Fond Of Whisky Plain But When He Joined The Temperance Club He Never Smiled Again
My Dentist Has An Eagle Eye And Vicious Tools He Hacks With He's Clever But I've Come To Think He'd Make A Better Blacksmith
Of All The Saws That I Ever Saw Saw I Never Saw A Saw Saw Like This Saw Saws




I'm the champion long distance cornet player

Puns Home









I'm the champion long distance cornet player. I entered a contest

once and I played "Annie Laurie" for three weeks.



Did you win?



No, my opponent played "Stars and Stripes Forever."











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Previous: PETERS--Are you not sick of hearing everybody sing that popular song



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Puns

He Called Her An Angel Before They Were Wed But That Alas
A Certain Young Man Told His Girl The Other Night That If She Didn't Marry Him He'd Get A Rope And Hang Himself Right In Front Of Her Home
Did Your Sweetheart Receive You Warmly Last Night
If You Want To See A Strong Organization Look At The Whisky Dealers; If You Want To See A Weak One Look At The Consumers
The Wife (savagely)--don't Let Me Catch You Flirting
Kind Lady Remarked The Weary Wayfarer Can You Oblige Me With Something To Eat
Moses--how Did You Make Your Money Ike
The Tramp Should Never Complain Of Hunger When He Can Always Enjoy A Little Loaf
Young Man Don't You Know You Ought To Lay Something By For A Rainy Day
What Kind Of Essence Does A Young Man Like When He Pops The Question
How To Gain Flesh--buy Out A Butcher Shop
First Comedian--did You Score A Hit With Your New Specialty
The Old Lady Who Sent As Presents To A Newly-married Couple A Rolling-pin A Pain Of Flat-irons And A Motto Inscribed Fight On Must Have A Grudge Against Them
Husband--that Ice Box Of Ours Reminds Me Of A Good Pinochle Player
A Little Burn Makes A Big Smart Sometimes
Teacher Of Drawing Class--willie Tell Me How You Would Make A Maltese Cross
Mr
What Are You Writing Such A Big Hand For Pat
First Senior--heard About Exsheff
The Impecunious Young Man Who Marries A Girl With A Substantial Check Attached May Very Properly Be Said To Have Been Checkmated
Full Many A Coat Tail That Is Long And Wide Does From The Public Gaze Two Monstrous Patches Hide
A Cement Maker Advertises That His Cement Is Strong Enough To Mend The Break Of Day
Mirrors Reflect Without Speaking And Women Often Speak Without Reflecting
She--you Look As Though You Had Raised Ned At Your Club Last Night
If A Guest At A Restaurant Ordered A Lobster And Ate It And Another Guest Did The Same What Would The Latter's Telephone Number Be